8th December 2016
You know those times when you need to do important things, absolutely essential things, but instead you think about the most banal things and fill sheaves and sheaves of paper with meaningless thoughts? I am the Queen of Procrastination. If you want to learn the art of spending an entire day and having no results to show for it, bow down before your new overlord. My friends tell me that whenever they see me, I am on my way to someplace. I’m always in a hurry. It is a talent that must come from within. I call it “The Illusion of Purpose”. I have now forsaken the good ol’ pen and paper (forgive me father, for I have sinned) and decided to write down the most personal details of my life on the internet for a world of strangers to see.
Pardon me for the following narcissism, but it must be said: I am smart. I do well in classes without working as hard as a majority of others do. Everybody who sees me thinks I’m cute. I have great friends and a wonderful family. I have great taste in books, music and movies (if I may say so myself), and the means to procure every necessity and luxury that an 18-year-old might require. Need I say more and rub my good fortunes in your face, and make you hate me?
Now, welcome the self-deprecation: I know that with a little effort I could do great things, yet I never seem to get around to doing them. Everybody thinks of me as cute, but never pretty or hot or beautiful. Cute. Words cannot describe the aversion I have towards that word. Never in my life have I ever initiated conversion or made the first move to make friends. Anybody who meets me must either think that I’m stuck up or that I’m dumb. Put a major depressive episode, loneliness, a pursuit of love, adolescent immaturity and basic distrust in all of mankind into the mix. Do you now see why I require to constantly write what I’m thinking?
I’m going to write here about embarrassing incidents (that happen to me way too often), moral conflicts, friends-drama and my search for romance. Not only will that be a means to clear my head, it could also be my contribution to the massive quantities of inconsequential data on the internet.