5 hours to a brand new year…

What will I do? Will I fuck shit up like I did this year or do better? 

I am genuinely terrified as I sit here in 2 day old clothes, without having taken a bath, drinking coke, with no NYE plans. The break is almost over, assignments are incomplete, I can almost see college with its jaws wide open, waiting to swallow me up and make me one of the casualties of the unrelenting education system.

There are so many things I want from 2017: 

~Peace of mind. I have come to find that happiness is not a destination or even a constant feeling. On some days, you’re ecstatic, on others you are dismal. And that is just how it is. But what I want for this year is some peace. I want to be at peace with my inner turmoil.

~ Acceptance of my shortcomings. I want to be more accepting of my body and alter my perception of social body standards. I want to be more accepting of my mental capabilities. I want to be more accepting of my family and friends and not hold their past mistakes against them.

~ I want to write more often and do all the things I’ve dreamed of doing. I want to get off my ass and learn to play that guitar that has been collecting dirt for more than a year now. I want to dance more often. Sing more often. Volunteer more. 

~ I want to eat healthier, exercise and become fit. No weight goals. I just want to not feel perpetually fatigued and ill.

~ I want to draw more, post more often on my Instagram art account.

~ I want to read more often, like I used to before. I’m going to read atleast a 100 books this year. I want to review every single one of those books. 

When I started writing this, I felt very disheartened and afraid. But as always, writing makes me feel better. I was one of those people staying “new year, new me is bullshit”, “2016 is the devil’s year” yada yada. But it has sure as hell been better than 2014-2015 for me. And turns out I now have new year’s eve plans after all – a quiet dinner with my family. Peaceful. 

Here’s to hoping that the new year is a good one! 


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