“I was surrounded by phonies…they were coming in the goddamn window”

Have you read ‘The Catcher in the Rye’? It is supposed to be the very essence of what a YA book should be. Who doesn’t love them some adolescent angst? A couple of years ago, I gave in to the “What, you haven’t read this book????!!” phenomenon and read it. Oh, how I hated it!

My hatred was mostly aimed at Holden Caulfield. A more infuriating character I haven’t encountered. By the end of the book, I was ready to throw in a punch if he called one more person “phoney”. He was the phoniest of all!

Well now, the irony is that I have become a Holden Caulfield. I’d like to think of myself as the most non-judgmental, liberal person. But I have a constant monologue in my mind, judging everybody and everything. If I see people of campus hugging and laughing, my first reaction is *cringe – how fake!* Happiness in any shape or form repulses me. Yet, I have become the girl who hugs people when I meet them. I have become the girl who makes pun-based jokes. All the while, I’m thinking “God, I’m basic”. I hate the word. Basic. What is wrong with being a little normal? But I detest it. I want to be different. The more I try to be unique, the more basic I become. It’s a trap. I’m the phoniest of all.

Even as I write all of this, I can’t escape the thought of how pretentious I am. Here I am, a pretentious person saying I have become self-aware! How phoney is it to not only believe that you are entirely aware of your flaws but also to write about it on your anonymous blog for your miserly 10 followers to see? I am just another entitled, young, priveleged girl who has nothing to contribute to the world but expects the world to be good to her.

~S

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